Mark Zuckerberg, Who Would You Rather Help?


Dear Mark Zuckerberg,

I understand that a contemporary, one Mr. Kanye West, has solicited $1B from you in support of his “ideas.” As you consider this request and other potential investments, let me say that nurturing my ideas would not only cost much much less, but may also serve a greater good. Frankly, Kanye has plenty of his own capital to float any idea that comes out of his head, including funding for a moon landing or construction of an aqueduct from fertile land in Utah to the Kardashian compound in southern California. He can produce a 2-song demo every week and make millions from each recording. He can pose for magazines both known and unknown, endorse fabulous or worthless products on a whim, and could defecate and deposit said turd into a safe deposit box like a bar of gold. He earns money every second of every day and would not be $53M in debt if he valued his fortune. He does not need your financial backing but making such a claim has put him back into the news, a place where he feels he belongs, so this is what we’re talking about today.

But I really do have creative projects that could use a benefactor. I have 2-3 book projects and a screenplay on the back burner, along with dozens of songs, stories, articles, essays that (maybe) I could fully think through, write, and publish with proper backing. See, I have a wife, two kids, and a career that keep me from finishing, and effectively publicizing, those projects. Moreover, I have a Facebook account which takes up an estimated 14% of my time. I’ve helped you, so now it’s your turn.

Publicly endorsing an unknown artist would firmly establish you as a man for the people and render as fact the fantasy you must have for yourself, a populist dream that is usually in stark contrast with vast wealth. How would my ideas serve the greater good more than Kanye’s ideas? Well, my (hypothetical) work is universal while Kanye’s material only serves the artist and his elevated sense of self. He could go to a therapist and save you a lot of money.

I think $100K would let me take a year off and finish everything. Thanks for your time and consideration.


Mike Johnson


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