TMZ Finds Legendary Rock Bottom
The nadir of journalism, a depth that has been pursued since man first picked up a Bic, has finally been achieved. TMZ’s story, which was published today, characterized troubled actress Lindsey Lohan and the recently deceased rapper, Heavy D, as “Morgue Buddies.” The paragraphs of copy under the unbelievable headline continued to make light of Heavy D’s untimely death and his subsequent entry into the morgue where Lohan is performing her community service.
Reaching the lowest of the low has been attempted by countless hacks and organizations over the years, but TMZ has positioned itself to be the epitome of slime journalism since first coming onto the scene in 2005. With this one headline and story, they have finally achieved the polar opposite of greatness.
After the momentous occasion, the TMZ offices went wild with jubilation. Runt tyrant/publisher Harvey Levin did a cartwheel. The wannabe hipster, longhaired Nancyboy said, “Cool.” The graphic t-shirt wearing buffoon with excessive hair gel fainted. Frick and Frack that stand in back, made out. All of the other bottom-feeding, nobody, turds threw stacks of paper in the air and hugged in triumph. As a show of solidarity, the hordes of scum videographers that stalk L.A. and any other places where a celebrity may appear, put down their cameras and celebrated with a moment of silence.
That moment of silence was stunning and beautiful.
Once it was over, the cameras whirred back to life and the embarrassing, cruel, irresponsible, and hateful quest for attention continued.