Brett Favre’s Penis Announces Its Retirement

A growing controversy over sexually explicit text messages and lurid photographs has led to the early retirement of Brett Favre’s penis. During a primetime news conference, the grizzled veteran penis stood at the microphone and made a brief yet emotional statement.  “After 18 seasons of playing in the NFL, I am saddened to announce my early retirement. This decision has not been an easy one and I would like to thank my fans for their ongoing support–it has truly been a great run.  At this juncture in my career, I feel it is best to take off my helmet, back out of the limelight and try to spend more time with my wife.” The penis was then put away and ushered out of the conference room.

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